FIRST TWO YEARS: FULL FIGHT
These are the years that indicates, whether the couple "newlyweds" could survive in the years following. Many have succeeded beyond it, not a few also who decide to divorce. Because, in reality this is actually begun. Each side saw the real, who is her partner.
Be prepared to receive what is called depression newlyweds. After the feast, the couple occupies his own house and learn independent living as husband and wife. This is where the division of roles and the collaboration begins. There are smooth, some are clumsy. Many things are priorities that must be resolved together. About money, for example, who should regulate. Also how to spend free time together, handling in-laws, the in-laws and other extended family. Infants born later will make the whole rhythm of the father and mother changed. Obviously, all this creates a challenge as well as anxiety.
Well, in order to survive and go on smoothly, in the first years of this couple should have already started discussing about how to solve problems in case of conflicts, also discussed the expectations of each party.
Couples who can get through this period are the ones who always have a favorable view of her partner, do not give up easily, and would jointly seek a way out in every issue. Although the first years are difficult, they will still remember him as the first years are full of intimacy, intimacy, and mutual learning. No less important, could be valuable lessons and experience to take the following years.
SEVEN YEAR: BE VIGILANT
Ever heard the expression "the seven years itch"? This is called the seven years that create a "scratchy". After years together, husband and wife really began to find patterns and rhythms of marriage is increasingly clear. However, the desire each of which is legible and the physical and emotional closeness it has not guaranteed that intimacy and intimacy continued.
After seven years in pairs, many husbands and wives who begin to get caught up in routine housekeep. Husbands and wives are also getting busy with their own affairs. Mother taking care of children who started school and growing up, my father is also busy struggling with an increasingly promising career. Not to mention the demands of a growing family needs, create more and dad busy with extra work that could generate money.
All of that brings consequences in the marriage relationship. Since each busy, time to be alone on the wane. As a result, intimacy so threatened. Even more worrying, since each busy with his own affairs and all things running routine, the more intimate relationship sebagaihal routine visits only to biological needs only. No longer the expression of intimacy and affection. If not careful, each party may feel hot and itchy, like a person trapped. Just a little temptation or see new things more exciting outside the home, can make a commitment threatened.
That's why many an affair or infidelity that occurs after 5 or 7 years of marriage. The couple tried to get out of the things that make it saturated. Among other things, establish a relationship with someone entirely new.
To keep the passion and intimacy remains lit, do a second honeymoon, a revision of the relationship of marriage and intimacy patterns of what can be applied, according to the age of marriage. Do not expect too much that within a short time everything will change like a new bride. What is important is the desire to remain committed and renew intimacy.
FIFTEEN YEAR: busy
In the fifteenth year, emotionally and physically, the closeness of husband and wife getting stronger. Many problems can be resolved, such as the house was bought and the family's financial well-established. But the next challenge came in this year. Just as in previous years, problems that arise are more saturation. Plus also the family togetherness of diminishing returns. For example, children who entered pre-teens, began to socialize more outside the home, and busy with school affairs. Dad is at the peak of his career, as well as working mothers.
No wonder if in the early years of easy to make an appointment for dinner with the couple at a romantic restaurant, now even hard. Difficult to ask him to spend some time making out because of preoccupations.
Physical changes of each party, for example, widened body shape or wrinkle on the face of increasingly obvious, also gave birth to its own anxiety. Each was no longer attractive and sexy in the eyes of her partner.
Taste minder then arises. Concerns couples no longer excited, can result into an intimate relationship. Most of the inferior taste is realized with the refuse when asked ravished. In fact, because each party had so long slept in one bed, must have been familiar with her partner's body. Thus, the problem was actually not be a barrier in sexual intercourse. In fact, because the stronger the emotional closeness, can make intimate relationships become more stable.
Indeed, hell, do not imagine an intimate relationship with the same frequency with the newlyweds. But that must be remembered, no longer a number, but the quality. Although in one month can be counted on the fingers, do different variations to give an update. Start giving sweet surprises, such as sending an SMS to the wife, "What if we meet this evening in the hotel x and spent the night without the kids?"
Later years
Simone Signoret, famous French writer, in one of his novels to write, "The chain does not bind the marriage, but the eyes of the chain. Hundreds been associated chain every day together, which bind to continue for years. That's what makes a marriage survive, not the passion and even sex! "
Thus, although 5, 10, even 25 years of marriage have passed safely, never be complacent. There, lo, a new month to celebrate the wedding anniversary-25, then divorced. What article? Proximity sometimes make us complacent. We feel already know what the needs of couples. In fact, every human being always need a refresher and a few surprises in his life. Included in her marital life.
Although the marriage seems perfect, it could not hurt to sit down together every year, such as wedding anniversary, to look back, what exactly escaped the attention of both the concerns about the husband-wife relationship. Are we sensitive to the needs of the couple? Model intimacy and intimacy of what we want, along with age of marriage?
What is a wedge or a constraint on all the things that can interfere with the relationship? Well, all that should be reviewed again, no matter how old your marriage. No one can guarantee forever will go smoothly, if each party complacent and indifferent to the situation that seems perfect marriage, but save time bomb. Well, ma'am, sir, now already know, what to do?
Author: Santi Hartono source: kompas.com
